Pearl of Wisdom

'When you set out to do something then seek a good outcome for it from your Lord seven times, then look to see what comes to your heart first, for verily there is good in that, meaning, act accordingly.?

Prophet Muhammad al-Mustafa [sawa]
Bihar al-Anwar, v. 91, p. 265, no. 19

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May God's blessings and mercy be on your Marriage is Prophet's tradition in life, it is not a mere bond and unity between two physical bodies. rather it is the assemblage of two spirits. Marriage is not aimed at attaining a transient joy, rather at reaching human perfection and perpetuating the human generation.

Be merited wife for your husband as God wants you to be; a woman with a prosperous life in this world and a guaranteed salvation in the other world. The following steps may help you to recognize your duties as a wife and to better fulfill them.

One: Accompany your husband to reach his sacred goal and be a partner in safeguarding the marital life. For the true love is not to look at each other in the eyes, rather to look towards the same direction. Know that accompanying your husband in same affairs would add to the beauty of marriage life.

Two: Try to habituate yourself to religious performances inside the house such as recitation of the Holy Quran in the morning, reading books following the news etc. It would have more effect on you if you do it together with your husband.

Three: Do not separate yourself from the people and do not let the marriage prevent you from participating in social affairs. For your duty to defend the truth and help the deprived is not only limited to singleness. Be aware that marriage is not a golden cage to surround yourself with rather husband and wife are as two wings of a bird, the existence of both of which are essential for flying. It is with the cooperation of each other that you will have a prosperous life.

Four: Your house should be as simple as the Prophet's house; its only decoration being love, affection, and unity not the luxury things for nothing is more beautiful than love and affection and greater than simplicity.

Five: If your husband attempts to misguide you towards the fire of the hell be stronger and guide him to the heaven. Do not accompany him if he is making sin, for your deeds will be the only intercessor on the resurrection day not your husband and/or the children.

Six: Be a conscience to your husband; stop him from making any sin and encourage him to worship. By doing this you will become a woman whom the Holy Prophet (SAW) described as: "After his faith in God, the believer has not achieved anything better than a nice wife who would make him happy and help him in serving God."

Seven: Read books about the children and the methods of upbringing before having a baby for your child is a trust that God has given you to take care of. Be careful of how you bring him up and how you make his personality.

Eight: Do not permit any gap to separate you and your husband in Jihad, if he is jailed or killed in this way then you should continue his struggle. Be like the wife of "Wahab" for when he was killed in the battle she took the pole of the tent and fought the enemy with it. After she was killed by the sword of the enemy. her spirit joined her husband's in heaven.

Or be like Zainab (SA) and destroy the oppressor with your speech and show his bloody clothes to the people so they would feel the depth of the oppression.

Nine: Be patient and accompany your husband in bearing the difficulties and pressures of life, and encourage him to resistance when he is disappointed. Help him when there is nobody else to solace him. Be like Hazrat Khadijeh (SA) whom the Holy Prophet (SAW) said about:

"She (Hazrat Khadijeh) helped me when people degraded and excommunicated me and believed me when others disbelieved me."

Be aware that any man needs a wife to be beside him in facing the difficulties; a wife who would stay in the same line with her husband when everybody else is opposing him and who would give confidence to him to face tike problems.

Ten: As his loyal assistant arrange your husband's room for his social activities respect his decisions, and help him to manage his social affairs. By doing this his love for the house and the family would increase.

Eleven: Do not interfere in all his affairs for he is not your necklace or the button of your shirt, rather he is a human being who has to face many problems. Do not attempt to impose your idea on him or supervise his activities for the freedom of every being should be considered.

Twelve: Serve your husband for it would strengthen the marriage bond and would have the great blessings of God. Imam Sadiq (AS) said: "One benefactor woman is better than a thousand wicked men and God would close seven gates of the hell and open eight gates of the heaven to the wife who serves her husband for seven days."

He also says: "Among the rights of the husband which the wife should fulfill are, cooking the food welcoming the husband when he enters the house, preparing the towel and water (as in those days there was no tap water and the wife used to bring the water in a pitcher so the man could wash his hands with) an not avoiding him."

Thirteen: Talk about generosity and optimism to your husband and invigorate these characteristics in him. Encourage him in bearing the burden of his great responsibilities and know that your encouragement is the most effective one. The effect of your husband on the people is a reflection of the effect of you on him.. If you treat your husband as a polite, successful, brave, faithful and honest man then he would become a man with all these characteristics. Be a great wife who stands behind a great husband.

Fourteen: Learn from the skills of your husband what you do not know and use his experiences. Teach him whatever he does not know. Be aware that a successful life is not achieved only when the man is pious but when the woman is pious as well.

Fifteen: Contentment is the most beautiful characteristic that one may have in the world. The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: "God will not accept the good deeds of the wife who imposes more than her husband could afford on him and when she meets God she will find him angry with her."

Be a follower of Hazarat Fatimah Zahra (SA). When Imam Ali (AS) one day saw her pale face, he asked: "What has happened to you, Fatimah?" She answered: "We did not have anything in the house for three days." The Imam said: "Why didn't you tell me?" She replied: "My father, the Prophet of God told me in the wedding night: Fatimah, eat when Ali brings food otherwise do not ask for it."

Sixteen: Be the first to reconcile when there is a quarrel between you and your husband for God has said: "And if a woman fears ill usage or desertion on the part of her husband, there is no blame on them if they effect a reconciliation between them and reconciliation is better." Reveal your affection to your husband and teach him a lesson with your reconciliation that he would never forget.

Seventeen: Avoid anger and jeer. Do not argue much and do not reveal the other's faults. Do not ask for a life like the other's for it would weaken the marriage bond. Forget and forgive things that might upset you. Your life is now different from when you were single since you are sharing your life with somebody else.

God willing these points may remind our dear sisters of some of their great responsibilities and help them to become a faithful wife.

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