Ask Qul - Sexual Ethics & Morals - husband does sex chat secretly

Pearl of Wisdom

'A greedy person has been deprived of two things, as a result of which he lacks two more things: he is deprived of contentment and so he lacks comfort, and he is deprived of satisfaction and so he lacks conviction.'

Imam Ja'far ibn Muhammad al-Sadiq [as]

Bihar al-Anwar, v. 73, v. 161, p. 6

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Question : #675

Category: Sexual Ethics & Morals

Subject:	husband does sex chat secretly
Question:	I am married for 2 years now alhamdulillah and i am pregnant. I recently discovered my husband has been having Sex Chats with another woman for past 6 years uptil now. Even when i was around him or lying in bed beside him, he was chating with this girl secretly and pretending as office work. When he found out, he deeply regretted and cried and promised would not do it again. And I believe him. During these 2 years of marriage, he has been very kind to me and others, praying 5 times, loving and very caring. We had a love marriage, we used to work in the same office, and his character(moral values and islamic) is what inspired me to accept his friendship n then proposal. before our marriage we never ever talked about any sex related stuff or went out alone and immediately got married after accepting that we are right for each other. I am just telling u this fact to know that discovering his sex chat with another girl who has been his friend for 6 years whom he met her on random chat(and lied to me as ex colleague) was the last thing on this earth I cud have expected from him. He has been against women working in office, and asked me to quit job and take scarf.which is ok. but on the other hand he enjoys watching english movies and watch regularly n stuff like that. My question is 1.How do i Forgive him because im so deeply hurt and pregnant and knowing his hypocrate nature of pretending a good muslim while satisfying himself with some other woman on chatting? He isnt very good looking but character was the first thing i chose to marry him. 2. I do know that i have to forgive him since he is regretting over his mistake and i still love him, hence i told him that I have forgiven you but those sex chats are still in my head n when i recall i get soo much hurt and start behaving rude to him. What do i do?
Answer:	Salam Alaykum, Insha'Allah this find you well. I will answer you questions accordingly. 1. Prophet Muhammad (saw) has said in regards to tolerating bad character of a spouse, "She who patiently tolerates her husband's bad character will be rewarded equivalent to the reward granted to Asiya bint Muzahim (Pharaoh's wife)" Remember that Allah (swt) knows all your sufferings and if your not rewarded in t his life, his promise to the believer is that you will receive it in the next. You should seek assistance from family, friends or your local Sheikh to help rebuild the shortcomings in the relationship. 2. Prophet Muhammad (saw) has said in regards to being a virtuous wife, "there is nothing more beneficial to a believer after his piety and devotion to Allah than a virtuous wife" If you feel upset over his previous actions, remember that Imam Ali (as) has said, "a true believer in Islam is the one who forgives your lapse, fulfills your need, accepts your excuse, hides your vices, removes your fear, and live up to your aspiration."

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