Ask Qul - Marriage - Nikkah - Spouse Selection

Pearl of Wisdom

'A man who is not reformed through the etiquette of Allah will not be rehabilitated through his self-discipline.?

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib [as]

Ghurar al-Hikam, no. 9001

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Question : #1296

Category: Marriage - Nikkah

Subject:	Spouse Selection
Question:	Assalam Alaiykum, I am Shia Muslim contacting you from USA. I have 2 questions: 1. My family introduced me to a proposal for marriage from Pakistan. This girl and I approved each other. I went to Pakistan in November 2019 and spent almost 3 months there. My family later on backed off and told me to walk away from this proposal. Nevertheless this girl and I decided that we will get married. I had to come back to USA for my business needs and told her that I would be back in 4 months or so, however due to Corona virus, everything including travel became very difficult for me to cope with. She became very upset that I didn't go back in 4 months as I had told her previously. Lastly I was supposed to get married on coming 9 Rabi ul awal of this year. About 2 weeks ago, she notified me that she will NOT marry me and she is in love with someone else and wants to marry this person. Since than my life has come to hell, I have been in a lot of pain and can't focus on anything. I was deeply in love with her. I understand in Islam, there is no pre marital love relationship, but I was going to marry her and that's why I was talking to her all this time. My question is, how I can get over this emotional pain and focus? 2. My second question is what is the criteria for spouse selection as I sometimes think that she was NOT the person? I have researched and it appears to be "Iman and Ikhlaq" is the basic criteria. So my question is how do you know if someone has good ikhlaq and iman in 1-2 meetings or phone calls? People are very nice and caring in the beginning, but than change later on. May Allah bless for assisting me. Wassalam
Answer:	Our Sheikh will respond to this question in the coming days Insha'Allah, check again soon

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