Ask Qul - Marriage - Nikkah - Nikah vs Rukhsati

Pearl of Wisdom

How many a negligent. person weaves himself a garment in order that he might wear it whilst in reality it is his burial shroud, and who builds himself a house in which he may live but which is in fact his grave.'

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib [as]

Bihar al-Anwar, v. 77, p. 401, no. 26

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Question : #1177

Category: Marriage - Nikkah

Subject:	Nikah vs Rukhsati
Question:	Assalam-o-alaikum, Alhamdulillah I had my nikah performed in the beginning of this year with my cousin who lives in a foreign country, without any conditions and with consent of all parties involved. Due to some financial and other personal considerations, we have mutually decided to defer the Rukhsati till end of next year. (Rukhsati is a custom in the Indo-Pak subcontinent which marks the point from which the girl leaves her parent's house to live with the husband permanently; the event in itself has got no connection or bearing to the nikah itself) Hence, as of now, even though I have shown my interest to do so if my wife wants, I am bearing no expense of her sustenance as we are not living together. But in order to keep our relationship well and thriving, we have decided to meet at least twice a year. Understandably, she would live at my place when she is here for a visit. I live in my parent's house along with them and thus, asked for their permission. They have no qualms about her staying here, as she has been my cousin so no major social hitches there. But they are completely opposed to the idea of us being alone in one room as we haven't had our "rukhsati" performed. I have tried to make them understand that rukhsati is a cultural event and we have been married in the eyes of Allah and people (as we have announced it publicly). I have further explained to them that our privacy is important, as being husband and wives, there are many things we need to discuss about ourselves for which we need time and privacy without the fear of someone overhearing as all of it would be highly personal and intimate. And that too I ask just in the jurisdiction of our own home as only my parents and brothers would know that we are having such privacy. But they have failed to understand it so I seek guidance as to what to do. My wife and I need to have such intimacy as it is a long-distance relationship, and we only communicate by writing messages which I fear are easily misunderstood and causes problems in us. So we both agree that we need it badly now. Please guide. In the end, I would also request you to answer this general question: Do the parents of the son/daughter have the right to stop the couple being together and/or alone after their nikah? Thank You.
Answer:	Our Sheikh will respond to this question in the coming days Insha'Allah, check again soon

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